I'm Sorry For The Honesty...
You stay having men problems, you date all the wrong guys and you’re the advocate for men are trash.
Your life's a mess, but you’re worried about his.
...He’s good. You’ve provided him with a free therapist, you nurture him like your name’s mum and we both know you’re the bank account.
If you’ve made it this far, you need this post more than ever.
In order to find the right love, the right person…we all need to find the right us. Then and only then, will we stop choosing the wrong guy and the right one will naturally come along.
The following three sections are all about getting you right.
Because when you’re living an empowered life, nobody can disempower you. And when you find the purpose in your life, you attract like-minded people.
You are the key to your own happiness.
For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be married by 26 - well if I want to be married by 26, I have to live with him for at least a year. And if I want to live with him for at least a year, I have to date him for at least three. Don't forget you need to be friends for at least a year before dating!
That leaves me at 21 - I am 21!
And just like that...the whole vision I had for my twenties is wasted on a man.
When did I forget that time is an opportunity?
Our twenties are the time to make all the mistakes in the world, not stick to the man that isn't acting right.
It's about learning to say 'bye, I' m too busy working on myself to focus on your BS'.
It's an opportunity to grow our passions, to explore new horizons, to play the field and meet different kinds of men in order to learn what we like and what we definitely will not tolerate.
Your twenties are about moulding yourself into the woman you know you can be.
The Moulding Process
It's so easy for us to focus on our strengths that our weaknesses become an afterthought.
They're actually even more important. They're the key to a better you.
If at this point you're thinking, "well, I don't think I have any obvious weaknesses", it might be useful to think about yourself in a completely objective manner. Remove your emotional outlook and think about your patterns in behaviour. For instance, if you have a short fuse don't think about what someone did to make you lose your temper...think about why it got to you so quickly that it made you snap.
I'll tell you a little about myself and my own struggle.
I wrote this down months ago when I made the decision to take ownership of my weaknesses in order to begin the process of overcoming them:
"I am not able to take accountability for something I've done, unless explained to me, because I think I'm always right."
The approach I'm trying to take - and it's still a work in progress - is that I recognise that sometimes, what someone has to say about me is their truth. I take a step back and try to understand before I react.
Usually, it's our ego and emotions that cloud our understanding of our weaknesses. If we look through the fog, we learn to address rather than ignore the loose screw.
My Love Letter
So, if you've read this post and it still doesn't resonate with you, you might be thinking ...'I'm fine the way I am', 'I'm not doing anything wrong', 'I'm already who I want to be'...
You're exactly where I was at when I began my journey, and let me tell you - there's space for growth every minute of every day, whether you're 21 or 49.
When I began to focus on me, I left a relationship I should have never been in to begin with - I gained so much perspective that my view of what it had been completely shifted. I realised that I had already wasted so much time on him, that I didn't have time to waste mourning him...
I had things to get done.
It was all about me. Myself, my growth, my passions.
My priorities had been scattered; I was able to pick up the pieces and rebuild myself.
Now, you're reading my love letter...
Inspired by Dear Sonali, Letters to the Daughter I Never Had - Lynn Toler