• Claudia Daniels

Nice Guys™ Deconstructed

“Nice guys finish last” is an expression that I hear time and time again from men who have experienced some form of rejection from girls they were once interested in.

They attribute their rejection to women's inability to appreciate their "niceness".

While I will not dispute the fact that there exists a small portion of women who are drawn to men who exhibit darker 'bad boy' traits...this is not the case for most women. Mainly because most of us know that these relationships are short-lived once we realise who we are dealing with.

Nonetheless, I do doubt the relevancy of a man's being “nice” as an explanation for rejection.

To me, it has always sounded like an excuse used by those who have failed to do some introspection and examine the real reason as to why women are not interested in them (i.e: being facially challenged and lacking substance).

I use the term “nice guy” to describe a man who has internalised the belief that by showing basic human decency and manners to members of the opposite sex, it differentiates them from the “trash” guys women deal with and should thus makes them more desirable.

These sort of men often do the most to win the heart of their interest...either coming on too strong and coming across as clingy and insecure...or attempting to befriend you in hopes of something romantic coming out of the friendship in the end.

And once their advances are rejected, they will complain about being “friend-zoned” despite the fact that you never even expressed interest in them in the first place.

Now, let me tell you the problem I have with this:

their “nice deeds” are motivated by a desire to court women and are used as a means to an end – they expect to be sexually rewarded for their kindness and generosity.

The gag is that the “nice guy” is usually not as nice as he would like you to believe...

Genuine niceness and gestures of goodwill are not meant to transactional or a gateway into a relationship.

Ultimately, what distinguishes a real nice guy from a "nice" guy is that he is genuine rather than performative in his actions. Fake "nice" men put on a façade and use the term “nice guy” as a misnomer. They are systematic with their kindness and more opportunistic than anything else. They constantly have to reiterate the many instances where they were “kind” and yet did not receive the reception they believed to deserve from women. The most laughable thing about “nice guys” is that their thinking is usually in black and white: the only alternative they can think of to being nice is treating a woman like garbage.

As a woman, you should NOT feel guilty for not being attracted to men who are “nice” to you. You do not have to justify your lack of attraction. "Nice” gestures should be viewed as a prerequisite of a relationship, not an end goal. "Niceness" itself is not a reason to date someone and should be the bare minimum someone offers their partner.

If his being “nice” is the only redeemable quality you can think of, then you, my friend, need to up your standards and raise the bar that is currently on the floor.
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