• Natene Erumi

Stay Out Of Women's Business!

“You need to stay out of women’s business…you are causing problems!” – Nene Leaks

“Stay out of women’s business” is a very popular phrase circulating social media right now. But what does it even mean? Simply put…men should stop meddling in women's matters, that just do not concern them. ...Apparently, this is too much to ask!

If it’s one thing men always seem to have, it is the audacity.

The audacity to comment on how our hair looks, the audacity to body shame women and especially the audacity to give unsolicited advice when they haven’t been asked.

As a woman in today’s society, it can be very hard to navigate living in a culture that regularly gives unwarranted opinions about how women should or should not be.

We are expected to love ourselves whilst being simultaneously torn down. Our confidence is always being policed, almost as if we are being told “how dare you believe in yourself?!”

This can be draining and often leaves us feeling judged, angry and even confused.

In order to get a better understanding of what we mean by men being in women’s business, these are just a few examples I’ve seen on social media this week:


“Why does her make up look like that?”

“Girls need to stop doing the weird swoop hairstyle”

“Why is she dressed like that?”

Men can be so quick to talk negatively about women but are mute when it comes to uplifting us.

Remarks that start with “women need to stop…” or “women are always…” never end well.

To some people these comments can be perceived as harmless, but they are in fact the complete opposite.

They are often rooted in internalised misogyny and perpetuate harmful stereotypes.

This type of language is even more harmful when directed at Black women.

Men have a habit of dictating Black womanhood, in an attempt to humble us. Yet, they have never lived through our experiences nor will they ever understand them.

If you see a Black woman winning and your first thought is to question her success...there is a problem.

When you see a Black woman unapologetically living her life and your first thought is to question her confidence...there is a problem.

If your first action is to question Black women rather than celebrate them...there is a problem.

Black women should be able to be successful, happy and have autonomy over their lives without it being linked to offensive stereotypes. Black women buy a car or get a degree and such achievements are automatically attributed to the actions of a man or her intelligence is immediately challenged.

This needs to change.

Let’s aim to look for opportunities to uplift women rather than tear them down.

Let’s aim to challenge those that we find in women’s business unprovoked.

It may be draining to see men constantly putting down women, especially as a Black woman living through this social climate. However please remember you are always more than the opinion of others and nothing is better than being unapologetically you...

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