• Carly Nunes Belo

The Untold Discomfort Of Solitude

In the spirit of self-love and oneness...

...it is important to recognise that the journey of self-discovery and self-improvement is not always a comfy ride.

In fact, you will feel sick for most of the way. Shedding the skin that used to encase the old you is painful, it is never easy to let go. Every step will hurt, but you are capable of moving past that pain and acknowledging that every step matters.

We are built for social interaction, for connection and conversation. As humans we are inherently social beings, some relate to this more than others, which is a fundamental principle of our nature. Although we are wired for this specific function, why do we experience loneliness?

Everything that exists has polarity, the phenomena of loneliness amongst social beings tends to stem from the idea of a perceived state of isolation. Our mind is the most powerful source of complexity that exists; no wonder technology has made countless attempts to imitate its greatness.

When we are not aligned with our most powerful tool, its easy to allow it to run you rather than the other way around.

“Acceptance – whether we believe in God or not – allows us to move into the fullness of joy. It allows us to engage with life on its own terms rather than rail against the fact that life is not as we would wish”

The Book of Joy (pg. 225)

Confronting our reality is not always as easy as it seems, the human mind has a very intelligent (sometimes counter-productive) response to protecting us from harm. We can become numb from things that are not inherently harmful.

Convincing yourself of your fears will close you off to more fulfilling levels of human experience.

“Man must live suspended in the present moment”

Florence Scovel Shinn

True detachment lies in alignment with the present. The now. The here…

This tends to scare us, as humans in modern society we find comfort in our pasts and romanticised futures. However, that also happens to be one of the major reasons for anxiety and depression.

Facing current position and circumstance now can be a tough pill to swallow due to the restlessness for change and advancement. It is okay to desire improvement as long as this does not create dissatisfaction about your present.

It’s important to acknowledge that everything you experience in this life is temporary. Most of our anxiety comes from the lie that “this is going to last forever” or that “it’s never going to stop”. The moment you indulge in thoughts of longevity, you have already fallen out of alignment with the present.

Remain connected to those you love and most importantly...to yourself.

The silence can be deafening when you’re to accustomed to the noise you fill your head with. We create our own comfort zones out of self-preservation to keep ourselves in familiar spaces that we know how to navigate. By doing this, you are limiting your adaptability and most importantly the true essence of solitude.

Moving into spaces that are unfamiliar to us is scary at first; once you move past that dull ache you realise that the power lies in your choice to simply decide.

Solitude is not meant to make you feel lonely; you only feel that way because you may have been out of touch with yourself.

Spend time with yourself, invest in yourself, affirm who you want to be & honour who you are now.

Book Recommendations:

What A Time To Be Alone – Chidera Eggerue

Dear Sonali, Letters to The Daughter I Never Had – Lynn Toler

The Book of Joy – His Holiness the Dalai Lama & Archbishop Desmond Tutu with Douglas Abrams

The Game of Life and How to Play It – Florence Scovel Shinn

The Perfect You – Dr. Caroline Leaf

You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life – Jen Sincero

Comment below any books you have read that have taught you alignment and appreciating your solitude!


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