• Lorraine Ampofo

What Does Your Love Language Say About You?

How do you describe what love is?

(This is probably a great "getting to know you question", so note it down!)

There is, of course, a dictionary definition of what love is...but it's too bland; it doesn't even come close to describing the cocktail of emotions you are swimming in when you feel love.

I think within us all there is a need to be loved and give love, according to the ancient Greeks there are 8 types of love; from Eros - the romantic love that occurs between you and your partner, to Philia - affectionate love which describes most people's relationship with their friends or family.

I have always been intrigued by love, I think the psychologist within me jumps out every time I see anyone "showing love". I don't know why but I get this warm feeling in my chest when I watch a baby and their primary care giver cuddle or play, or loved ones reuniting at the airport.

For me the way you show love to yourself, your friends, family and romantic partner is probably the most important thing about you.

So, What Is Your Love Language?

I love this question. I think most people have by now discovered their love language or languages (I have 3), but maybe don't really understand its importance or how it affects your relationships regardless of its type.

Since no two people are the same, the way we express and understand love will always be different.

Learning about Love Languages will give you a better understanding of your own/someone's else emotional needs. It will also tell you what you value the most or can hurt you the most in a relationship.

Now I may be wrong in saying this...but I think a lot of relationship issues come from not understanding or recognising each other's Love Language.

The Five Love Languages

Acts of Service

"I got your slippers, your dinner, your dessert and so much more. Anything you want...let me cater to you!"

Cater 2 U - Destiny's Child

Can washing plates be an act of love? f you ask my mum she would say yes.

I think Acts of Service is probably one of the most underrated Love Languages but it's probably the nicest thing you can do for your partner as it's all about easing their burdens.

Doing your partner favours to make their life easier without them asking is a clear demonstration how much you value and care for them.

Words of Affirmation

"Talk to me nice."

Everything Nice - DreamDoll

I think everyone feels good after a compliment or kind words.

Words of Affirmation are all about recognition and acknowledgment. I know what you're thinking...but they aren't always the same thing. For example, if you get your hair done, your partner might recognise that you have done something different with your hair but won't mention anything. Simply saying "your hair looks really good" acknowledges the effort the made.

"Thank you" and "I appreciate you" foster a deeper connection for those whose language is Words of Affirmation.

Receiving Gifts

"I need a n**** who gon' swipe them Visas"

Where The Bag At - City Girls

Don't be alarmed by the subheading - I'm just kidding!

This Love Language probably has the worst rep. It's seen to be "gold digger-ish", self-centred and greedy but I think that analysis is only surface level and there's so much more to it than that.

For those who speak this language, when they receive a gift they hear "I'm thinking of you" or "you mean so much to me".

People automatically think about, outlandish gifts such as cars and diamonds but forget the simple thoughtful gifts such as a Takeaway from your favourite restaurant that won't deliver to you.

Quality Time

"Can you focus on me? Baby, can you focus on me?"

Focus - H.E.R

This is simply about spending time with your partner. I am not just talking about watching a new Netflix show together but having their time and undivided attention - in a life full of distractions it's good to reconnect and check in with each other.

If you are like me and identify with this love language - flakiness, cancelled dates, a lack of texts and calls are hurtful and lead to feelings of rejection.

Physical Touch

"Touch my body"

Touch my body - Mariah Carey

If your Love Language is quality time you will usually also appreciate physical touch.

Now get your mind out of the gutter, physical touch can be shown in a number of ways - hand holding, massages, kissing and hugging.

Whether its intentional or unintentional physical touch is probably the most direct way to show love; your partner will feel reassured in your relationship.

In any relationship, communication is key...learning about your own or their love language will only strengthen your connection. It is okay to have different love languages but there should be a desire to learn how to fulfil your partners emotional needs.


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